Thursday, February 21, 2008

Spy Satellites & the Schuylkill River

In case anyone hasn't heard about the spy satellite containing a toxic fuel plummeting towards earth, well, there was a spy satellite containing a toxic fuel plummeting towards earth. Rest easy, though, it's been shot down.

However, while it isn't usually the best to dwell on the "what could have beens", I think I'll make an exception for this case. Let us speculate for a moment on what could have happened if the satellite crash landed (with all it's toxic fuel) in the beloved Schuylkill River.

Currently there are two theories:

  1. The toxic fuel would have neutralized the already toxic water from the Schuylkill River, thus restoring it to a pristine condition. Vegetation would return, fish would swim, birds would sing...or...
  2. The toxic fuel will mix with the already toxic water to mutate a seemingly harmless creature into a giant deadly monster that would attack Philadelphia!!!! The only way Philly would be saved is if an unsuspecting rowing team was also in the water at the time, causing them to mutate into a superhero rowing team!!!!
Does anybody have any other theories?

(HT: Will Haun, Chris)

3 comments:

JMac said...

I apologize for this post.

Christopher said...

Or it would just cause 76 to be washed away and we would start to use horses again.

Alex said...

Truly deep post